What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger!... Does It?

We’ve heard it a million times. We’ve probably said it ourselves after coming out of a tough situation.

But is it true?

Nature seems to disagree.

Nature designed us to survive in our environment. Very slow changes help us adapt over time—this is evolution. It’s not about immediate strength through hardship. It’s about long-term adaptation to increase our chances of survival. You could say that, yes, we get stronger—but over generations, not through a single rough week at work.

In that process, nature also makes one thing clear: we’re wired to seek the easier path—not the one that barely keeps us alive.

The Power of Positive Reinforcement

One of the ways to build new (and hopefully healthy!) habits is to associate something positive with them. A reward. A feel-good moment. That rush of dopamine the brain uses to say, “Yes, do this again.”

Nature has always used positive reinforcement, linking pleasure to activities that increase our chances of survival.

Think about it: high-calorie foods are extremely pleasant to us. Why? Because in the past, these foods meant we could go longer between meals. Evolution is a slow process, and our brains are still wired to crave what was once rare and valuable.

So if our instincts push us toward what is pleasurable and easy, maybe that’s not laziness. Maybe it’s efficiency.

Bill Gates (supposedly) said, “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” Whether he actually said it or not, there’s wisdom in the idea. Efficiency can be smarter than endurance.

Rethinking Struggle as Strength

Today, we tend to glorify struggle. We admire people who push through adversity—and often, rightfully so. Especially in the face of war, poverty, loss.

But I’m also thinking of the more everyday kind of struggle: The unpaid overtime. The constant late nights. The weekends sacrificed without question.

I look back at some of my past job experiences and realize how much of that was considered normal, even admirable. I truly hope my children grow up to see things differently.

Coming from a family of workaholics, where working yourself to exhaustion wasn’t even something to be proud of—it was just how things were—it took me a long time to realize there is a choice.

So… What Does Make Us Stronger?

Joy.

Reduced stress.

Positivity.

Fresh air.

Sunlight.

A healthy lifestyle.

Not sitting at a desk all day without a break.

Strength comes from self-awareness—being able to pause and reflect on what’s happening in your life. Learning what to keep, and what to let go of. Appreciating beauty. Doing what comes naturally to you. Using your strengths. Focusing on what you’re good at—not just on filling in the gaps.

That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.

What if strength looked more like alignment than endurance? If you’re ready to explore that shift, I’m here for the conversation.